My daughter is a high school senior and early in the school year parents were asked to write a letter to their son or daughter for the senior retreat. The letter was a special gift to tell them how proud and grateful we are for their hard work, achievements and success. It was designed to be an encouragement as they set goals for the upcoming year in their academics, sports, clubs, and with friends/relationships. It was a surprise that they would read to themselves during the retreat.

I thought about the goals and resolutions we establish for ourselves in the new year, and often they include spoken and unspoken desires for our children. What a difference it can make for your children to have a letter from you to remind them and empower them of their greatness and potential! Consider this for your children or another young person in your life!

Here is an excerpt from our  letter to our daughter:

“I can’t believe it – can you – it’s your senior year!           You’re worked so hard to reach this milestone in your life.

This is going to be an awesome year filled with great experiences!

There will be times when you will be challenged, because it will seems like there’s so much to do – with your academics, extra-curriculars, chorus, and family commitments– but remember the “keys” that will unlock anything you face.

Use your time wisely – lay out your plan, keep your calendar up to date, and prioritize so you can focus on the task at hand.

Use your voice – ask for clarity for understanding, ask to be heard, ask for help or advice (early J)

Use your experience – you’ve faced challenges and overcome them, you’ve asked for support and received it, you’ve used your voice to advocate for yourself and others.

Be open to the possibilities – even if you’re afraid (remember – no fear!), even if it’s outside your comfort soon and looks different than what you expected!

Be a good friend, use your gift of compassion and understanding to encourage and lift other people with your words and actions (you are first on this list – be kind to yourself!)

Be confident in who you are and what you believe.

You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!

Your future is so bright and you will fulfill all the dreams and goals that God has placed in your heart, and the plan and purpose He has for your life.

You will be the change you want to see in this world!

We love you, we’re excited for you, we’re so proud of you and admire the young woman you are becoming!

Enjoy your retreat and every experience in your senior year!

Love,

Mom and Dad”

Since I have daughters, I have a heart for girls. We have to take advantage of every opportunity we have to reinfornce their confidence and self worth.  We must remind them of who they are in Christ to arm them with what it will take to neutralize the negative voices and images that can be in the world around them.

Here are some other posts that can help:

Are You A Tulip Trying To Be A Rose?

Guiding Our Girls On A Path To Their Future!

©Bloom in Every Garden 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Today is the anniversary of my father’s transition to heaven – and it reminds me of how much of an opportunity it was to spend 4 years being his partner in his journey for restoration of his health and his journey for a life full of purpose and meaning.

I think about the start of that journey when he experienced a health crisis in 2011, months after my mother’s death. I reflect on how he trusted me to be “the boss” as he called me – to make health, financial, and life decisions for him. As a mother and wife with a career and serving into two ministries at my church – I initially thought I had found myself in the “sandwich generation” – between demand of my own life and now the demands of supporting a parent.

I am sooo glad I quickly discovered some things that would fundamentally change this perspective and make this one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

• The gift of being trusted and having a parent who considered our relationship a partnership (not thinking of it as a burden)
• The opportunity that accompanying him to all his appointments gave me – car time for conversations to hear his reflections, principles, and philosophies on life (not thinking of it as drain on my time)
• The gateway to relationships he gave me from being part of his support team working with his assisted living team and health care professionals who cared for him (not just going through the motions but making an effort to make a connection)
• The restoration of family bonds that having him as part of my daily life gave me and gave my children (instead of seeing the logistics of incorporating him into family events as challenging)

It was so much more about what he was giving to me instead of the demands that were brig being placed on me. The amazing thing is that this wasn’t based on an existing father/daughter relationship – it’s something that we built along the way.

Many of us will be in a position to support our parents through a health challenge of life transition . .and it will present challenges. . . don’t miss what is an oppoturnity and consider the joy you can find being in the “sandwich.”

Here are some other posts that you might find helpful   . . . .

Consider Being An Advocate for Your Loved Ones

Teamwork During a Family Crisis

Emerge Stronger When Faced With Adversity

©Bloom in Every Garden 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Advocacy is an act of love and compassion.  As our loved ones age and face health challenges, we can serve as their advocates to guide them through the challenging maze of health care with caring and sensitivity, ensure they are involved in decision making, and resolve any concerns about the quality of care.

1). Consider accompanying your loved one to their doctors’ appointments to understand their conditions and medications. It’s important to build relationships with the doctor and office staff.  Keep a list of their medications (including dosage), allergies, conditions, and surgeries or procedures (including when they occurred). Consider keeping a copy of this information locked in your car glove compartment, in case of a sudden emergency – you’ll have it with you.

If you cannot attend every appointment, follow-up with the doctor.  Are there any changes in their condition (e.g. blood pressure, blood sugar), medications (dosage, something new prescribed), tests to schedule (blood work, x-rays)?

2). Make sure your loved one completes a HIPAA Privacy Authorization Form which allows the release of protected health information to you. This will allow the doctor’s office to discuss your loved ones care directly with you.

Work with your loved one to establish a Durable Healthcare Power of Attorney (POA) – if your loved one suddenly becomes ill – it gives you authority to make decisions on their behalf and it outlines their wishes for their care.

It’s important that these steps are taken in advance – it makes it much easier to manage a trip to the emergency  room or a more serious health crisis.

3). If your loved one is hospitalized, it’s important to be visible and engaged in their care.  The hospital experience can be overwhelming; if at all possible, spend a full day at the hospital to meet the staff and understand the goals for your loved one’s care.

Be respectful, kind, and appreciative to the staff – it directly impacts how the staff cares for your loved one (especially when you’re not there).  Your involvement will raise the staff’s attention to detail, responsiveness, and accountability.

• Ask questions and take notes. Introduce yourself, ask them about their role, what they are doing, and why they are doing it.  If there is a medical term you don’t understand, ask them to explain it. Do your own research if you need to understand more.
  • If they recommend a test or procedure – ask why it’s being performed and what they expect to learn.
• Be prepared to interact with more than one doctor.  There is normally an attending doctor (primarily responsible), residents (doctors in training), and possibly specialists (e.g. neurologist).  There are “rounds” where the doctors and nurses meet as a team and discuss each patient’s care plan and progress.
  • Ask about the doctors’ shifts and schedules – so you know when you’ll be working with someone new.
• Don’t hesitate to ask for something your loved one needs for their care or comfort. The color of the staff’s uniform represents their role – nurses = blue, technicians (nursing assistants) = grey, respiratory = green, phlebotomy/blood work = burgundy, custodial staff = brown, etc.
  • Share personal information about your loved one including pictures – it helps the staff to see the person beyond the “patient.”
• When you cannot be at the hospital – you can work with the nurse to establish a time when you can call.  The nurse will be your primary point of contact and the most accessible to you.  There is also a nurse manager, should you need more support from the nursing staff.

©Bloom in Every Garden 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

When girls are young, their worlds are wide open.  As girls grow up, doubt and insecurity creep in.

We can guide them on a path of discovery that focuses them on their future.

Protect Their Confidence and Self-Image – Be very mindful of the words they use and what others say about their intelligence, body, eating habits, style, unique characteristics, etc.  The most innocent comments intended to tease or criticize with a sharp tongue intended to discipline, can have a long lasting effect.

Identify Their Gifts and Talents – Pay close attention to what they love, that’s where their dreams live! Observe their behavior through a different lens (like a mentor), what skill or capability does it represent? Listen closely to their teachers, coaches, and parents of friends.

She . . . loves cooking and adding different ingredients (chef/restaurateur); watches animal documentaries all the time (zoo veterinarian); mixes things together in the bathroom like a science experiment (research scientist); draws on everything – walls, windows, school books; jumps off the beds doing flips (gymnast); mixes and matches their outfits with a funky style (personal stylist); recognizes every make and model of cars & trucks (design engineer)?

She is . . . the first to offer to help you or someone else (social worker); in-tune to what is happening around her with an understanding beyond her years (therapist); outspoken and is ignited by injustice (community leader); very organized and always making lists (project manager); a quick thinker and can explain her way out of anything (lawyer).

Expose Them To The Possibilities – Give them a wide range of experiences in different genres – and at a adult/professional level.  Your goal is to see their eyes sparkle!  That sparkle represents hope and possibilities without boundaries.

Encourage Them To Visualize Their Future – Set life-goals early for their education, their families, their careers, and their communities — so they can connect their day to day actions and decisions to the  bigger plan for their lives.

Challenge Them To Face Their Fears – Don’t let them walk away from experiences because they’re afraid – insist they do it anyway!  What they learn about the process and themselves is a confidence builder for future choices they’ll make.

Remind Them – It’s Not Just About Them! . . . their future has a higher purpose.  If they are only focused on the fame or money it will bring, they will miss the joy and fulfillment that makes life meaningful.

©Bloom in Every Garden 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The sudden health crisis or the death of a parent is one of the most difficult times of your life.  In addition to the emotional toll it takes – interacting with our family members can be equally challenging. There are long standing family dynamics that can surface. There will be situations that you cannot predict or perspectives that cannot be reconciled.

Even with those challenges, families can work together using the same principles that we know make a team successful:

Focus on the ultimate goal and purpose, be willing to relinquish your personal position for the greater good.

Value & respect the role of a Facilitator – they understand everything that needs to get done, serves as a central point of contact to coordinate all the details, and seeks the help and support of others as needed . . and makes decisions when a decision needs to be made – and agreement and alignment is not possible.

Recognize how to utilize everyone’s gifts and experience.  Everyone cannot do every role, but there is a role for everyone.  One person may have strong administrative experience, one has a gift as a care giver, another is computer savvy and loves to do research, and another has the gift of gab with strong family relationships who can distribute information quickly.

Communicate often, directly (to the individual), and be mindful of making assumptions.  The absence of information can create anxiety or speculation, communicating indirectly can create conflict, and not asking for clarity can create misunderstanding.

Respect that everyone has other priorities and commitments – so their availability & capacity to contribute may be different. One person may not be working, another may be a single with children, and another may have a job that requires frequent travel.  Their availability will impact how and when they can be engaged and involved.

Encourage one another and acknowledge everyone’s efforts.  It’s easy to be consumed by what we’re going through and not remember that the entire family is affected and experience it in their own way.  Take the time to inquire about how someone else is doing and offer words of encouragement.  Remember to say thank you and “I appreciate what you’ve done” – even for the small things.

Practicing these principles can serve our families well and minimize confusion and stress.  Even more important, it helps us maintain our relationships through the experience and into the future.  

©Bloom in Every Garden 2014. Unauthorized use and/or
duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Well – I planned to blog about facing your fears to achieve your dreams . . . but reality stepped in!

I was reminded that certain experiences are equalizers . . . no matter what our position is in life, we have to deal with it all the same.

If you’re a Mom you know that to be true.

My daughter told me her throat hurt – so I hoped and prayed
(literally) that it would be healed in Jesus name by the morning.  Well – she woke up with a temperature – the journey to healing would not be lightning fast!

After not being able to reach my pediatrician’s office after several attempts. I discovered that she was not even in the office.  Her staff offered to contact her and she agreed to come in to see my daughter later that afternoon.

When You Give Grace, You Open The Door To Favor.  You have to make a conscious decision on how to engage others – and think about the grace you would appreciate in that situation. I made the decision to focus my conversation with the office staff on what I wanted to accomplish with their help (and not why it took so long to reach them!).

Five minutes before we get to the pediatrician’s office, my daughter threw up everywhere – I mean everywhere . . . on my phone (she was watching a video), on her coat, pants, booster seat, on the floor. I’m glad Ms. Frustration didn’t show up before Ms. Compassion stepped in! Did I mention we were running late?

At that moment, it doesn’t matter whether we’re the Parking Lot Attendant, General Manager, or VP of Sales.  Whether we have a GED, MBA, or PhD – our children and our love for them is what we all have in common.

She said “Mommy, I’m sorry I threw up – are you upset with me?”  I realized in that moment, that she needed to know that it would be OK and it wasn’t her fault.  Like Mom’s do – I kicked into solution mode, it’s a good thing I had Clorox wipes, napkins, and bottled water!  I cleaned her up (accepting that her clothes would be damp and not smell so great!) and headed into the office.

Thank God the diagnosis was relatively minor and she’ll be as good as new in a couple of days. I realized that healing is granted to us over and over and we can miss it –  today I’m choosing not to miss it and be very grateful for it.   

©Bloom in Every Garden 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.