I heard two quotes this week that I have not been able to stop mulling over in my head and wanted to share them.

I was listening to an NPR “Here and Now” interview with veterans who had sought help to manage PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).  They were asked what they would say to fellow servicemen facing the same situation. They said a lot.  A few things: You don’t have to be a hero and project you’re OK if you’re not. You are not in this fight alone, the resources are there, and there is help.  They are losing too many servicemen who are taking their own lives – and please, please “don’t chose a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

And they said . . .

“It is amazing to heal.”

It made me think about seeking help, treatment, or counseling – whatever it is – very differently.  I wondered as veterans suffer from mental scars of war, young people experience anxiety or depression, or those facing an addiction they have been fighting their entire lives – What if we changed the conversation from “you need to get help” to “it’s amazing to heal?” Could that break down the walls of fear and stigma that comes with asking for help?

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I saw a story today on the “The Rachael Ray Show” about a man Joe Toles who had grown up in the foster system having been placed in foster care at birth.  He adopted 6 children (all boys!), adopting his first son at the age of 18 after being introduced to an organization “You Gotta Believe” whose purpose is to find homes for older kids.  As he talked about what it meant to be a father, he said this with tears in his eyes:

“I want to give them everything I know, so they can hear my voice when I’m gone.”

I realized those are the words I’ve been looking for.  I often tell my daughter, now a junior in college, that I will not always be here and my job is to equip her to navigate this life without me (now as a young adult and later in life) and to be a role model for her younger sister. I wear a lot of hats in life – but this is what means the most to me.

Having been on this life journey for a while now, a few things I know: one, your choices and the people you surround yourself with can change the trajectory of your life; two, even with the best laid plans, life will throw you some curves you will not see coming and evoke hurt, loss, and disappointment that you can and will recover from.  How we prepare our kids by telling them the truth of our journey, showing them our faith, and letting them see us make the hard but right choices, is the most important assignment we can have in this life, our legacy.

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We all have stories about service experiences that were less than stellar.

It could have been the attitude of the service professional, a lack of inventory, staffing of the registers, or the condition of the store (or the shopping carts with the wheels that rattle)!

And then . .  . just when you think great service is a thing of the past – you have a great experience.

I did some grocery shopping last night and decided to get my kids a treat – blueberry muffins. I was on a mission, I grabbed them and went on my way. When I got home I noticed that I picked up the “no sugar added” brand – and I knew they didn’t have a future in my house!

It was late tonight and I decided to swing by the store to return them – a quick in and out. I entered the store and the greeter saw my bag and told me returns had just closed. She said all the lights were turned off – but the staff might still be there. I approached the area and there was a huge sorting operation underway.

An associate approached me, confirmed they were closed, and offered to check to see if they could still process it. A manager came out from the office, took my return, and told me to go ahead and get what I wanted. I came back with my new muffins, they bagged them, and didn’t even ask for my receipt!

Any of those employees could have said – “sorry we can’t help you” – instead they were flexible, responsive, and pleasant . . . . and that was awesome!

©Bloom in Every Garden 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Over the last few days, there has been a ton of commentary on whether Pope Francis should address Congress – varying opinions from a political and religious point of view. It was the first time that a Pontiff or any other religious leader has been given the opportunity to address our nation’s leaders.

Congress is a contentious place at this moment in history with our elected officials at odds over many things but for a few moments . . . underneath all of the hard edges, posturing, and agendas, beyond who’s on the left or the right, there was humanity in the faces of our leaders. . . and it gave me hope for our nation.

©Bloom in Every Garden 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Life reminded me that there are experiences that are not unique to our race, class, or socio-economic level. In these situations, we stand in the same shoes, with the same education, living in the same neighborhood, and riding the same bus . . . it’s when we experience the pain of losing someone we love, a sudden illness or accident, an unexpected job loss, a challenge we didn’t expect our kids would face, or suddenly caring for our aging parents.

But there’s a difference maker. . .

It’s what we believe and say about the outcome even if we can’t see it; it’s how we face and move past our fears; it’s when we find a way to walk in love when we’ve experienced an injustice; it’s finding an encouraging word for someone else when you’re in the middle of your own storm; it’s getting a good night’s sleep even when your path is not clear, it’s the peace of mind you find to take every step when you need to make a difficult decision.

It’s our faith.  It is knowing God is still in control, all things work together for our good, and we can stand on the promises in His word no matter what the circumstances. It is the rock we stand on when everything around us is uncertain and unpredictable – it keeps us steady as things twist and turn. It gives us the strength to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.

When we see people around us who are searching for a way to navigate through life, share words of hope and encouragement. Our faith will speak for itself. We have the difference maker.

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I was walking down the hall at work on a mission and one of my colleagues stopped me in my tracks – she asked me what model car I drove, then she confirmed the color, and proceeded to tell me that she thinks she hit my car in the parking lot.

As you can imagine, she was a little shaken and apprehensive about my reaction. She expressed how sincerely sorry she was, and as a working mom herself– she said understood how much of an inconvenience this would be for me. I told her it was okay – its just a car – and it’ll be fine – and I meant it. It was not a big deal for me – it just wasn’t.

As we walked to the car, I told her that I had done something similar about a year ago.  My mirror brushed another car’s mirror when I was backing into a parking space at work.  I left a note on the car with my contact information and discovered the car was owned by one of my colleagues.  She was very gracious and told me not to worry about it, she would not even consider taking my insurance information.  I remembered that grace and knew it was clearly my responsibility to give it back.

Ultimately, the damage to my car was not significant, it was drivable and all the parts were intact!  When situations happen, you have to really decide how serious it is. In light of everything that is happening in our lives, in our communities, in our country and in the world – perspective is everything.

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I recently moved to a new office building. Before I moved, a colleague made some unfavorable comments about someone in my new building.

I could have avoided the person, had low expectations during our interactions, or dismissed them entirely.  Before I could even consider those courses of action, I met this person on my first day and they were the sweetest, nicest person, and went out of their way to help me.  They greeted me by name and I hadn’t even met them before. Every time I saw them they greeted me warmly with a smile, and today they even offered their personal umbrella when I dashed out and discovered it was raining.

I thought to myself  .  .  .you just can’t listen to everybody – you have to decide for yourself!

Now, there are times when a heads up can be very useful and proceeding carefully is wise, but there are also times when your experience can be very different than someone else’s. 

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How you view a situation depends on where you sit and what you see.   It makes all the difference when you recognize that circumstances are often connected to a bigger plan and purpose.  It may be the sensitivity and mindfulness that comes with experiencing loss that reminds me of that truth.

I attended a viewing for Beau Biden, former attorney general for the state of Delaware and son of Vice President, Joseph R. Biden, Jr.  The wait was a minimum of 3 1/2 hours, but that wait was connected to paying tribute to someone who spent countless hours, days, and years serving our country and our state.    I recognized there was a reverence – even in the waiting – how we moved in line (I estimate at least 500 people at the time), the quiet tone of our voices, and the courtesy we showed to one another.  I also recognized the Biden Family made a conscious and considerate decision to allow the public to be included in the services, and had spent countless hours greeting each and every person that day and at the capital the day before.  Our wait seemed so insignificant in light of the loss and sacrifice that as made by the family.

I attended a home going service for my Great Aunt recently and the service, according to the custom and tradition of her faith, was high spirited and at one point was a challenge for me to follow.  I then realized it was more about what the family needed.  I began to watch them more closely and I realized that they were very much in tune to the pastor’s message and I imagined my Aunt raising her voice in unison, as she had been for more than 60 years as a member of that congregation.

I then attended a memorial service for my Uncle who was a well known entrepreneur across the city since the mid 1950’s.  My Dad attended with me to honor his brother-in-law and to represent my mom who passed away in 2011.  I often take my Dad to these services – I’ve learned it’s very important to his generation to show their respect. During the eulogy, the Pastor reflected on how much of a sharp dresser my Uncle was and his smooth confidence.  The Pastor recognized the role that my Uncle’s Alma Mater played in his high standards for dress and appearance, and the example our young men need to see.  All the men in attendance from his Alma Mater were asked to stand and be recognized – my Dad was one of them.  I realized that I was there to do two things – honor my uncle and connect my Dad to his history.

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It had been a very busy week – and I had worked up until the last second.  I was walking very purposely from my office to my car.  It was a path I had taken thousands of times.  About a half block away, there was a man talking to himself and pulling something behind him.  I was mindful of his presence as he approached.

As I waited to cross the street – he passed behind me, said hello and gave me a compliment.  I said thank you and told him to have a good weekend.  He went on his way,  then he suddenly stopped and turned around.  He said  “Thank you for not acting like I don’t exist, God bless you.” That is when I noticed he was pulling a suitcase, with a small duffel bag on top, with a tote bag in his other hand.

I’m certain he was homeless and everything he owned was in those bags.  I am equally certain that he is often ignored as if he’s invisible.

Many times we believe we are justified to ignore a homeless person – and it’s rooted in fear.  Fear for our safety, fear that they will pan-handle and ask us for money, fear that we will get into a conversation we can’t get out of – etc. etc.  The truth is – kindness and common courtesy does not put you at risk.

He is someone’s father, grandfather, uncle, or son.  He is important to someone in this world – and for a moment, he can be important to us.  Just acknowledging him with a kind word is where we can start.

©Bloom in Every Garden 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.