More than two years ago, I received a phone call from my brother that my father didn’t seem well – they talked every morning and he just didn’t sound like himself. I decided I would check on him
later after work. My mother had passed away in April of the same year and although they had divorced many years ago, there was a part of their life together that my Dad held onto, so my Dad moved back into our family home.
My brother called back again – more insistent after a call from my aunt who said she was sure something was wrong. My day was the normal marathon – back to back meetings with not a moment to spare. This time, I heard and acted on that voice that we sometimes ignore, moved all my meetings, and left immediately.
I rang the doorbell and my Dad didn’t answer right away. I thought he was trying to clean things up before letting me in – so I waited and rang again. The porch was locked and I peeked through
the window to see if he had opened the door. I looked away only for a few seconds, and when I turned around, he was collapsed on the porch floor. I called to him and he could not speak or move his body. I broke the window of the porch and climbed in. He was gaunt, unshaven, and his clothes were disheveled. I called 911 and the ambulance arrived within minutes. While going through his
medication with the paramedics, I discovered he had diabetes
in addition to high blood pressure.
After being hospitalized, he transitioned to a skilled nursing facility to learn how to walk and talk again, and while there had a heart
attack requiring surgery. He made great progress, but could not live independently, and we transitioned him to an assisted living facility.
I instantly became his “life manager” – responsible for all medical,
financial, and life decisions. God granted me the ability to act from a place of love, compassion, and forgiveness. God gave me the grace to balance this with my role as a wife and mother of two with a
demanding career. I had the life and professional experiences that
prepared to manage all the practical aspects. My position and tenure at work gave me the flexibility I needed to be very present and involved. God looked ahead and made provisions.
Well – that started a journey for my Dad and for me. The reality was that my Dad and I weren’t very close – we talked occasionally and
I visited on holidays and birthdays – from a place of honor and
obligation. My childhood was not endearing, it was challenging on many fronts. It’s honestly a place many of us from my generation will find ourselves. As our parents age and need our support, we will have to reconcile our past relationship with our parents – all that was and all that wasn’t.
I had to make a decision to give up the idea that the past could have been any different (forgiveness as Oprah describes it). It’s important that we are open to learn “the why behind the what” about our
parents’ lives and decisions – which is easier to understand now that we’re parents who’ve made some mistakes along the way!
I have to give my Dad most of the credit. On that day more than two years ago – he stopped drinking and smoking which he had done for more than 50 years. He is honest with me about his life, apologizes for his mistakes, and is open to answer questions about my
upbringing and about his. He shows a sincere appreciation for me and what I do with him and for him. He recognizes the second chance God has given him and wants to make the most of it.
On Father’s Day he said – “Every day is Father’s Day to me – every phone call, every visit, every time we do something together – I wasted so much time and I’ve lived more in the last two years than in all the years before.“
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