Today is the anniversary of my father’s transition to heaven – and it reminds me of how much of an opportunity it was to spend 4 years being his partner in his journey for restoration of his health and his journey for a life full of purpose and meaning.

I think about the start of that journey when he experienced a health crisis in 2011, months after my mother’s death. I reflect on how he trusted me to be “the boss” as he called me – to make health, financial, and life decisions for him. As a mother and wife with a career and serving into two ministries at my church – I initially thought I had found myself in the “sandwich generation” – between demand of my own life and now the demands of supporting a parent.

I am sooo glad I quickly discovered some things that would fundamentally change this perspective and make this one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

• The gift of being trusted and having a parent who considered our relationship a partnership (not thinking of it as a burden)
• The opportunity that accompanying him to all his appointments gave me – car time for conversations to hear his reflections, principles, and philosophies on life (not thinking of it as drain on my time)
• The gateway to relationships he gave me from being part of his support team working with his assisted living team and health care professionals who cared for him (not just going through the motions but making an effort to make a connection)
• The restoration of family bonds that having him as part of my daily life gave me and gave my children (instead of seeing the logistics of incorporating him into family events as challenging)

It was so much more about what he was giving to me instead of the demands that were brig being placed on me. The amazing thing is that this wasn’t based on an existing father/daughter relationship – it’s something that we built along the way.

Many of us will be in a position to support our parents through a health challenge of life transition . .and it will present challenges. . . don’t miss what is an oppoturnity and consider the joy you can find being in the “sandwich.”

Here are some other posts that you might find helpful   . . . .

Consider Being An Advocate for Your Loved Ones

Teamwork During a Family Crisis

Emerge Stronger When Faced With Adversity

©Bloom in Every Garden 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Advocacy is an act of love and compassion.  As our loved ones age and face health challenges, we can serve as their advocates to guide them through the challenging maze of health care with caring and sensitivity, ensure they are involved in decision making, and resolve any concerns about the quality of care.

1). Consider accompanying your loved one to their doctors’ appointments to understand their conditions and medications. It’s important to build relationships with the doctor and office staff.  Keep a list of their medications (including dosage), allergies, conditions, and surgeries or procedures (including when they occurred). Consider keeping a copy of this information locked in your car glove compartment, in case of a sudden emergency – you’ll have it with you.

If you cannot attend every appointment, follow-up with the doctor.  Are there any changes in their condition (e.g. blood pressure, blood sugar), medications (dosage, something new prescribed), tests to schedule (blood work, x-rays)?

2). Make sure your loved one completes a HIPAA Privacy Authorization Form which allows the release of protected health information to you. This will allow the doctor’s office to discuss your loved ones care directly with you.

Work with your loved one to establish a Durable Healthcare Power of Attorney (POA) – if your loved one suddenly becomes ill – it gives you authority to make decisions on their behalf and it outlines their wishes for their care.

It’s important that these steps are taken in advance – it makes it much easier to manage a trip to the emergency  room or a more serious health crisis.

3). If your loved one is hospitalized, it’s important to be visible and engaged in their care.  The hospital experience can be overwhelming; if at all possible, spend a full day at the hospital to meet the staff and understand the goals for your loved one’s care.

Be respectful, kind, and appreciative to the staff – it directly impacts how the staff cares for your loved one (especially when you’re not there).  Your involvement will raise the staff’s attention to detail, responsiveness, and accountability.

• Ask questions and take notes. Introduce yourself, ask them about their role, what they are doing, and why they are doing it.  If there is a medical term you don’t understand, ask them to explain it. Do your own research if you need to understand more.
  • If they recommend a test or procedure – ask why it’s being performed and what they expect to learn.
• Be prepared to interact with more than one doctor.  There is normally an attending doctor (primarily responsible), residents (doctors in training), and possibly specialists (e.g. neurologist).  There are “rounds” where the doctors and nurses meet as a team and discuss each patient’s care plan and progress.
  • Ask about the doctors’ shifts and schedules – so you know when you’ll be working with someone new.
• Don’t hesitate to ask for something your loved one needs for their care or comfort. The color of the staff’s uniform represents their role – nurses = blue, technicians (nursing assistants) = grey, respiratory = green, phlebotomy/blood work = burgundy, custodial staff = brown, etc.
  • Share personal information about your loved one including pictures – it helps the staff to see the person beyond the “patient.”
• When you cannot be at the hospital – you can work with the nurse to establish a time when you can call.  The nurse will be your primary point of contact and the most accessible to you.  There is also a nurse manager, should you need more support from the nursing staff.

©Bloom in Every Garden 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.