All posts by bloomineverygarden

Your Journey

Back On Site – 4 Months Later

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I’m having a hard time leaving the parking lot. Yes a parking lot.

I am returning back to the campus where I work after 4 months of working remotely – it’s so familiar and different at the same time.

I got out of my car masked and remained so until I returned 1 1/2 hours later.

I completed my Covid screening, sent it to my manager, and showed proof as I entered the building. I made my way to the floor where my meeting was, and physically distanced from other attendees while we waiting in the hall for the conference room to be free. It was good to “see” everyone – “see” means something different now days – but this time it means seeing folks live and in person.

The last group exited the conference room – everyone careful to maintain their distance. The room was wiped clean and then we entered. The layout and spacing of chairs and tables very deliberate.

It was a meeting where we presented and answered questions to an individual who was on a virtual platform and located in New England. We were masked the entire time. It went well – our knowledge, energy and enthusiasm still shined through. We quickly wrapped up and headed out as the the next group waited — totally normal conference room behavior!

I ran into my senior leader and realized we hadn’t had small talk in months – it was just a few minutes, but it was sooo normal.

I have been sitting here for about 30 minutes – just doing stuff, busy work — stretching out soaking up this slice of normal.

©Bloom in Every Garden 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your Journey

Text Messaging – Let’s Be More Mindful

Text messages have no tone or verbal cues to determine fully and accurately what was intended.  To say they can be easily misunderstood is an understatement. It’s not like a phone call – where you decide whether to answer and have the conversation at all, re-direct things mid-stream because the train has left the tracks, or prevent the conversation from going off the rails entirely.

For Senders .  . .

  • Should it even be a text? Certain topics should never go in a text. If you can’t say it to them, you should not text it to them. If it’s an emergency – only text to ask that the person call you.
  • Consider the timing – we often have notifications that ping or pop-up that can interrupt or distract us. Think about the rhythm of the receiver’s personal life – are they getting kids setup for school, working, having dinner, putting kids to bed, or is it the time when they decompress from the day?
  • Wait for a response. Avoid sending repeated messages on the same topic – or sending “did you get my text?” very shortly thereafter. Sometimes no response is a response.

For Receivers . . .

  • You can set boundaries – when you prefer a call, when not to expect a response (e.g. work hours or dedicated family time), etc.
  • You can choose not to respond at all – not every text requires a response.
  • You can decide how to respond – if you perceive a negative tone or attitude be careful not to match it. Pick up the phone and have a conversation. Friendships and family relationships have been damaged and not easily repaired in an exchange of text messages.
  • You can decide when to respond – activating “do not disturb” settings and include an auto-reply for certain periods in your day (it references driving but can be set up for any purpose).

©Bloom in Every Garden 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Leadership, Your Journey

Courageous Conversations – Do You Speak Up for Others on the Small Things and the Big Things?

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For some people speaking courageously is in their DNA, for others (like me), it can be very hard to have a “courageous” conversation to advocate for yourself or for others. Advocate can sound like really official – in very basic terms, it’s speaking up for others and speaking up for yourself.  Very often we anticipate it as a difficult conversation.

 I am intentionally framing it as a “courageous” conversation” not a difficult” conversation. Because words matter, it fundamentally changes whether you even choose to have the conversation, the energy you bring to it, and how you navigate it. Here’s the difference – courageous is defined as “the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc. without fear.”    

I realized when talking to my daughter about this recently, there can be a long-lasting impact when we don’t speak courageously on behalf of others.  This applies to dehumanization and racism that exists in our society, or the conversations and situations that happen in our lives every day where people’s confidence and self-worth are injured by the words, attitudes, and actions of other people.

When we allow people to be unkind or devalue others and to avoid the possibility of conflict, because we consciously or unconsciously desire to preserve a relationship, or maintain a position of power or influence, we are silently supporting injustice.  We have to choose courage even if it leaves us vulnerable.  It is the sacrifice we choose so that others may live (with the confidence to fulfill their hopes and dreams). 

People can speak and behave in ways that hurt others under the guise of . . . . “I speak my mind  . . .I’m just speaking the truth . . .I’m direct . . . This is not my issue if they’re too sensitive . . .That is their issue if they took it that way . . .” etc. etc. etc.  When we stand-by and say nothing, we lose an opportunity to share the impact of their behavior on others.  It is likely impacting their lives and careers in ways they may not recognize, or they may be attributing their challenges to other people and not their own behavior.

I have been subjected to inappropriate words, attitudes, and actions in ways that have been hurtful to me.  I haven’t always had the courage to address the conduct of others that was just wrong — in a professional setting or in my personal life.  There were times when I needed someone, especially friends, to speak courageously on my behalf and they did not.  I am at a turning point, and I am stepping into courageous conversations with purpose and thoughtful intention, not just for others but for myself.   

Be the one that speaks courageously on behalf of others – whether they are in the room or not in the room.  We all have that compass on the inside to guide us or we can choose to see the discomfort, embarrassment, or pain in the eyes of others.               

Don’t look the other way. 

©Bloom in Every Garden 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What I Learned Today, Your Journey

I Vote For Me

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I vowed as the start of 2020 that silence would not be my response, as it had been many times before to avoid conflict and disappointing others. I sacrificed myself almost every time and realized my joy and my soul was at stake.

I didn’t realize of course that this declaration to myself would kick off a year that would include a pandemic that changed the world as we know it, and a reckoning with injustice and an acknowledgement of racism in our country.

I discovered that initiating courageous conversations on situations that matter to me is the starting point. Now that’s harder that it looks on paper, I had to move past every worse case scenario that my mind could come up with!

After initiating several of those conversations recently, I was reminded that fear is “false evidence appearing real.” None of the worse case scenarios happened – not one. Not only did each conversation result in a positive outcome for me – it profoundly helped other people.

It does matter how I approached these conversations and the relationships that provided the foundation and psychological safety to have them.

“Voting for me” doesn’t mean you don’t vote for others – or sacrifice for the greater good – it means that your voice is heard and what you need and want matters.

©Bloom in Every Garden 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Navigating Challenging Times – The Right Team Makes All The Difference

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A team of two of the right people on the right thing can move faster and be more effective than 10 of the wrong people focused on the wrong thing.

I’ve had the pleasure of working with someone on a project recently – even in challenging times it’s been enjoyable! It doesn’t always happen this way.

Within a hour of being tasked with an objective, we had a strategy, plan, questions for leadership to focus our efforts, and risks to flag for consideration. We made awesome progress by late afternoon.

I believe there was a conscious decision to put us together and assign us to the particular task we were given.

Here’s what to consider when forming a team with an accelerated timeline in challenging circumstances:

  • Match interest, energy, and commitment, that will maintain momentum on those long days and when things get hard (like when the direction changes 3X in one day!)
    Identify a mix of capabilities – a visionary, strategist, planner, subject matter expert, and hands-on “do- ers” — experience wearing multiple hats is imperative for speed
  • Select individuals who are self aware and respect others’ strengths
  • Consider their approach to change and innovation – they will not have time to get stuck on ideology (but they will have a healthy debate, land on an approach, and move forward)
  • Don’t minimize the importance of considering the level of trust and faith they have in one another

©Bloom in Every Garden 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What I Learned Today, Your Career

Navigating Challenging Times – A Plan To Tackle The Complex

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Over the last few days I’ve learned some things about how to devise a plan for complex issues in challenging times –

  • Move quickly but not recklessly – there is a difference
  • Be clear about what you are trying to solve – do you have an issue, anticipating one, preventing one?
  • What does the data tell you? Does your solution need to accommodate a breadbox, a wheelbarrow, or a tank?
  • What are the factors you need to pay attention to that fundamentally change the plan? Who is monitoring those factors closely?
  • Can you buy or borrow? Can you mirror an idea and duplicate it?
  • Quickly narrow down your options, focus your attention and energy
    Lay out a timeline of multiple options that are deployed based on decision criteria you establish right from beginning
    Monitor your emotions (and the emotions of those around you) – don’t operate from a place of fear or panic
    Use time and resources wisely even when under pressure to just get it done

©Bloom in Every Garden 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What I Learned Today

Help, Healing, and Legacy

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I heard two quotes this week that I have not been able to stop mulling over in my head and wanted to share them.

I was listening to an NPR “Here and Now” interview with veterans who had sought help to manage PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).  They were asked what they would say to fellow servicemen facing the same situation. They said a lot.  A few things: You don’t have to be a hero and project you’re OK if you’re not. You are not in this fight alone, the resources are there, and there is help.  They are losing too many servicemen who are taking their own lives – and please, please “don’t chose a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

And they said . . .

“It is amazing to heal.”

It made me think about seeking help, treatment, or counseling – whatever it is – very differently.  I wondered as veterans suffer from mental scars of war, young people experience anxiety or depression, or those facing an addiction they have been fighting their entire lives – What if we changed the conversation from “you need to get help” to “it’s amazing to heal?” Could that break down the walls of fear and stigma that comes with asking for help?

******

I saw a story today on the “The Rachael Ray Show” about a man Joe Toles who had grown up in the foster system having been placed in foster care at birth.  He adopted 6 children (all boys!), adopting his first son at the age of 18 after being introduced to an organization “You Gotta Believe” whose purpose is to find homes for older kids.  As he talked about what it meant to be a father, he said this with tears in his eyes:

“I want to give them everything I know, so they can hear my voice when I’m gone.”

I realized those are the words I’ve been looking for.  I often tell my daughter, now a junior in college, that I will not always be here and my job is to equip her to navigate this life without me (now as a young adult and later in life) and to be a role model for her younger sister. I wear a lot of hats in life – but this is what means the most to me.

Having been on this life journey for a while now, a few things I know: one, your choices and the people you surround yourself with can change the trajectory of your life; two, even with the best laid plans, life will throw you some curves you will not see coming and evoke hurt, loss, and disappointment that you can and will recover from.  How we prepare our kids by telling them the truth of our journey, showing them our faith, and letting them see us make the hard but right choices, is the most important assignment we can have in this life, our legacy.

©Bloom in Every Garden 2019. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your Journey

What’s Happened Since

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It’s been more than 2 years since my last post and my life has had some twists and turns.

Those twists and turns had more challenges than celebrations to be honest.

Let’s start with the really tough, hard, difficult times.  Those mornings when it is hard to get up and do it all over again. 

Do you say things to yourself like . . . 

I can’t stop and feel what has happened – I won’t recover.

My situation is not as bad as what other people are going through – so it’s OK.

Everyone has so much on their plates, they don’t have the time to help me even if they wanted to.

What happens when we keep moving without processing our experiences, whether they are really tough or really rewarding?

I’ve realized we could miss something – some big “somethings” . . . 

Things Like . . .

It didn’t bring your life to a complete halt, wipe you out, or bury you.

It taught you some things about yourself you didn’t know – you never imagined yourself in a situation like this, or finding your way through it.

You learned things you can share with others to make their path easier.

You realize how much your friends love you and how much they will do for you and for your family.

What You Learn . . .

You can give voice to the it and the difficulty you are facing. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself and sink on the inside just to hold everyone else around you up – they survive and you are emotionally buried under the weight of it.

If you are a person of faith like me, it sometimes feels like you can’t give voice to it, because we are supposed to be able to weather any challenge; but there are situations (when you know you are in a fight) when you need back-up spiritually, emotionally, and with the day-to-day.

At the same time, I’ve found you can’t involve everyone in your personal life. I have seen people handle information irresponsibly, sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly.  One barometer — do you know everything about their other friends’ personal lives – that means they will have no restraint with what you share with them.  

I am fortunate that GOD has placed special people in my life (and I pray that you have them too). 

Just know you’re not alone – GOD is walking with you even during the most difficult times.  Pause and process your experience today – acknowledge what you’re going through, pray (just speak from your heart), and call for back-up (help)!

Check out another post – you can emerge stronger.

Emerge Stronger When Faced With Adversity

©Bloom in Every Garden 2019. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this materialwithout express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 

Your Journey

With Much Thanks – On To The Next Phase Of The Journey

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I have made the decision to embark on a new journey, after spending my entire career at one organization, as the third generation of my family. I’m thankful to GOD for opening a new door for me.

Thank you for creating an opportunity bigger than what I could dream of! It was custom made for me and just me. I’m one of 7.5 billion people in the world!

Thank you for the confidence to walk in faith and not fear into a new journey.

Thank you directing my path and ordering my steps for years, through the most challenging times, in preparation for this.

Thank you for surrounding me with family and friends who were encouraging, excited, and hopeful — with no doubts.

Thank you for looking ahead and strategically positioning me well at every turn with new connections and relationships.

Now . . .I want to encourage others to believe in what’s possible for them and there is life after! the only thing they have ever known.

©Bloom in Every Garden 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your Family

Consider Writing A Letter To Your Children To Kick Off Their New Year

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bieg-stone-steps-1-1535280-1279x1703My daughter is a high school senior and early in the school year parents were asked to write a letter to their son or daughter for the senior retreat. The letter was a special gift to tell them how proud and grateful we are for their hard work, achievements and success. It was designed to be an encouragement as they set goals for the upcoming year in their academics, sports, clubs, and with friends/relationships. It was a surprise that they would read to themselves during the retreat.

I thought about the goals and resolutions we establish for ourselves in the new year, and often they include spoken and unspoken desires for our children. What a difference it can make for your children to have a letter from you to remind them and empower them of their greatness and potential! Consider this for your children or another young person in your life!

Here is an excerpt from our  letter to our daughter:

“I can’t believe it – can you – it’s your senior year!           You’re worked so hard to reach this milestone in your life.

This is going to be an awesome year filled with great experiences!

There will be times when you will be challenged, because it will seems like there’s so much to do – with your academics, extra-curriculars, chorus, and family commitments– but remember the “keys” that will unlock anything you face.

Use your time wisely – lay out your plan, keep your calendar up to date, and prioritize so you can focus on the task at hand.

Use your voice – ask for clarity for understanding, ask to be heard, ask for help or advice (early J)

Use your experience – you’ve faced challenges and overcome them, you’ve asked for support and received it, you’ve used your voice to advocate for yourself and others.

Be open to the possibilities – even if you’re afraid (remember – no fear!), even if it’s outside your comfort soon and looks different than what you expected!

Be a good friend, use your gift of compassion and understanding to encourage and lift other people with your words and actions (you are first on this list – be kind to yourself!)

Be confident in who you are and what you believe.

You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!

Your future is so bright and you will fulfill all the dreams and goals that God has placed in your heart, and the plan and purpose He has for your life.

You will be the change you want to see in this world!

We love you, we’re excited for you, we’re so proud of you and admire the young woman you are becoming!

Enjoy your retreat and every experience in your senior year!

Love,

Mom and Dad”

Since I have daughters, I have a heart for girls. We have to take advantage of every opportunity we have to reinfornce their confidence and self worth.  We must remind them of who they are in Christ to arm them with what it will take to neutralize the negative voices and images that can be in the world around them.

Here are some other posts that can help:

Are You A Tulip Trying To Be A Rose?

Guiding Our Girls On A Path To Their Future!

©Bloom in Every Garden 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.