For some people speaking courageously is in their DNA, for others (like me), it can be very hard to have a “courageous” conversation to advocate for yourself or for others. Advocate can sound like really official – in very basic terms, it’s speaking up for others and speaking up for yourself.  Very often we anticipate it as a difficult conversation.

 I am intentionally framing it as a “courageous” conversation” not a difficult” conversation. Because words matter, it fundamentally changes whether you even choose to have the conversation, the energy you bring to it, and how you navigate it. Here’s the difference – courageous is defined as “the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc. without fear.”    

I realized when talking to my daughter about this recently, there can be a long-lasting impact when we don’t speak courageously on behalf of others.  This applies to dehumanization and racism that exists in our society, or the conversations and situations that happen in our lives every day where people’s confidence and self-worth are injured by the words, attitudes, and actions of other people.

When we allow people to be unkind or devalue others and to avoid the possibility of conflict, because we consciously or unconsciously desire to preserve a relationship, or maintain a position of power or influence, we are silently supporting injustice.  We have to choose courage even if it leaves us vulnerable.  It is the sacrifice we choose so that others may live (with the confidence to fulfill their hopes and dreams). 

People can speak and behave in ways that hurt others under the guise of . . . . “I speak my mind  . . .I’m just speaking the truth . . .I’m direct . . . This is not my issue if they’re too sensitive . . .That is their issue if they took it that way . . .” etc. etc. etc.  When we stand-by and say nothing, we lose an opportunity to share the impact of their behavior on others.  It is likely impacting their lives and careers in ways they may not recognize, or they may be attributing their challenges to other people and not their own behavior.

I have been subjected to inappropriate words, attitudes, and actions in ways that have been hurtful to me.  I haven’t always had the courage to address the conduct of others that was just wrong — in a professional setting or in my personal life.  There were times when I needed someone, especially friends, to speak courageously on my behalf and they did not.  I am at a turning point, and I am stepping into courageous conversations with purpose and thoughtful intention, not just for others but for myself.   

Be the one that speaks courageously on behalf of others – whether they are in the room or not in the room.  We all have that compass on the inside to guide us or we can choose to see the discomfort, embarrassment, or pain in the eyes of others.               

Don’t look the other way. 

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