The sudden health crisis or the death of a parent is one of the most difficult times of your life.  In addition to the emotional toll it takes – interacting with our family members can be equally challenging. There are long standing family dynamics that can surface. There will be situations that you cannot predict or perspectives that cannot be reconciled.

Even with those challenges, families can work together using the same principles that we know make a team successful:

Focus on the ultimate goal and purpose, be willing to relinquish your personal position for the greater good.

Value & respect the role of a Facilitator – they understand everything that needs to get done, serves as a central point of contact to coordinate all the details, and seeks the help and support of others as needed . . and makes decisions when a decision needs to be made – and agreement and alignment is not possible.

Recognize how to utilize everyone’s gifts and experience.  Everyone cannot do every role, but there is a role for everyone.  One person may have strong administrative experience, one has a gift as a care giver, another is computer savvy and loves to do research, and another has the gift of gab with strong family relationships who can distribute information quickly.

Communicate often, directly (to the individual), and be mindful of making assumptions.  The absence of information can create anxiety or speculation, communicating indirectly can create conflict, and not asking for clarity can create misunderstanding.

Respect that everyone has other priorities and commitments – so their availability & capacity to contribute may be different. One person may not be working, another may be a single with children, and another may have a job that requires frequent travel.  Their availability will impact how and when they can be engaged and involved.

Encourage one another and acknowledge everyone’s efforts.  It’s easy to be consumed by what we’re going through and not remember that the entire family is affected and experience it in their own way.  Take the time to inquire about how someone else is doing and offer words of encouragement.  Remember to say thank you and “I appreciate what you’ve done” – even for the small things.

Practicing these principles can serve our families well and minimize confusion and stress.  Even more important, it helps us maintain our relationships through the experience and into the future.  

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